All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
