hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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