I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
