legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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