Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
