My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
