He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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