I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
whose parrot is this?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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