I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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