i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
we're making bets on your personal life
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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