Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
