Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
