when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
