His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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