Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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