it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
