Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
