I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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