I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
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Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
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I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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