Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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