i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
