Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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