He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
