my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
P.S. I can't hear my feet
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
