I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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