I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
