I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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