Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We're too hungover to prance.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
