We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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