that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
