Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
