I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
