it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
