No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It's rum buckets o'clock
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
