The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
