You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
