Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
