I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
