The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You can't motorboat a personality
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
