marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want to walk on stilts...naked
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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