Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
