The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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