That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
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Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
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do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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