6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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