Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize