dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
