you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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