tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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