I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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