do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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