That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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