Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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