Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
