and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
