i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
