Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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