i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
