but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
