omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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