Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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