you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
