I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
