I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
