Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
