Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
