I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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