she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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