His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
