hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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