What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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