you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
