i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize