My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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